Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Why can't I just have my turkey leg and eat it too?

I woke up this morning with a determination to start being healthier.  Which I have to first tell you was difficult because it was Wednesday. I believe you have to start things at a beginning. The beginning of the week, beginning of the month, the year, just a beginning. It's one of my favorite neurotic behaviors (there are many by the way). So today is just Wednesday. I mean how can I start on Wednesday knowing that I usually quit by the weekend? This doesn't even give me time to start!
SO. . . I'm changing a pattern right? You can only expect different results by doing things differently or you're crazy, doesn't the saying go something like that?

The next step in this healthy thing is how to work on my expectations of myself. I would really rather become an alfalfa sprout and tofu eating mountain climber or do nothing at all. I hate sprouts! So this also does not work. Baby steps. Baby steps do not lead to instant gratification. So again, a pattern and thought process has to change. As of 2:40 pm today I have taken those baby steps. I've gotten some exercise already today.  I have eaten healthier than most days.  It's only 2:40pm.  BUT I started so I am going to accept this and try to continue to forgive my failures, accept my imperfections, and push myself to continue.

I think it's important for me to admit why health is a part of this journey.  Of course it is above all things to "live long and prosper".  Did you know thin people make more money on average than fat people???  Now who's thought processes are warped, I ask you?? Also, bigger clothes are more expensive and I like clothes (and am generally broke, so cheaper fashion is better)!! But I truly want to live long and enjoy my time on earth to its fullest and I can't do that if I don't consider my health. But it factors into the happiness aspect as well. How I feel and think about myself affects my happiness. Unfortunately what other people think of me affects my happiness too.  So as I said yesterday I think I'm pretty, but I must admit I fall into the body image trap created by our society. What I look and see makes me feel one way, but then I cannot help myself from thinking of what others look and see. It is an evil practice, that of judging people by their appearance. And body image issues do not discriminate I might add.  It's not just us fat chicks that are made to feel bad about how they look.  I have a good friend who is a size 1... A SIZE ONE... and she has much worse body image issues than I've ever dreamed of! But I cannot fix the world and how it pushes us to be something we are not.  I can only fix me.  And to fix me I can truly only meet somewhere in the middle.  Work a little harder, try to focus on health and not weight or looks, and fight to look inward for my happiness and not in the mirror OR on the front of a magazine.

Now all that being said I will add this. . and please don't judge my lack of historical knowledge... but I do remember many pictures of 18th or 19th century England I'm guessing where they just sat around eating bread and chewing on turkey legs, drinking wine and mead, and were perfectly happy until they died.  Why couldn't I have been born then???

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