It's been a different weekend for me. My children spent the first weekend with their father and his girlfriend in their house. Change is such a scary thing, I don't care how much you think you want it or you really know it's the best thing... it scares the hell out of me anyway! Guess I can't speak for anyone but me. I'm sure there are people out there that can truly just flow with whatever life throws their way. They look at it, see the positives, move forward. I HATE THOSE PEOPLE. "People are always telling me that change is good. But all that means is something you didn't want to happen has happened." - Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail.
Of course I do recognize my need to embrace it. I also recognize the fact that I am the kind of person who would stay in a bad but comfortable situation rather than move on into a situation that, while difficult, will be better and make me happier in the long run. It's hard to understand how you know something like this about yourself but continue to operate in the same manner. "Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become." I love that thought. However at my age and in my position it is a little hard to convince myself that there is something else that I can become. Wasn't I supposed to be what I was going to be by now? Or maybe we are always evolving and we are never a finished product. "The first step towards change is awareness. The second step is acceptance." - Nathaniel Branden
The truth of my life right now is that I have to accept the change that is happening. And the harder truth is I have to see the good in it, take that and turn it the ability to continue to evolve into a better person daily. "The great thing is, if one can, to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions in ones own or real life. The truth is, of course, that what one regards as interruptions are precisely one's life." - C.S. Lewis.
So the lesson in change is that every step is just your life as it was meant to be played. Somehow the word change connotes an event that wasn't meant to happen has happened and you now have to adapt. However maybe the truth of the universe is that there isn't really "change" at all, only continuance.
"Life is change, growth is optional. Choose wisely."
So I think I am deciding to say, as of today, my life isn't changing. I am growing. I will work to accept the evolution of my life and the never ending growth that the world forces on me. I cannot promise I will always like it but I will accept it and use it to my advantage somehow.
*** forgive all the quotes today, but I felt they told my story better than I could alone.