Monday, May 21, 2012

You'll notice the slight name change. Yes the big day came and went. And I didn't fall apart.
Nothing fell off or out (which would have definitely been worse, and it CAN happen... I've heard some frightening tales!). I survived with all my imperfections and insecurities intact!
I've spent the last 8 months or so talking about me. It's been wonderful therapy some of the time.
I've been one who could laugh at myself for most of my life, and thank goodness when I came close to forgetting how, I found my voice here and was able to laugh through this too. I'm not really sure how many people have listened to me ramble. It doesn't really matter. I listened to myself. I picked myself up,with a little help some days, and I kept moving forward. But I feel as if I'm at an end to this section of my journey. I'm different than I was last year. I'm different than I was last week. I'm ready to be at a new beginning I think.
"Every new beginning comes from some beginning's end." ~ Seneca
Yes! That's it. That's where I am! I'm ready to put an end to the last beginning and begin the new beginning. The last beginning wasn't mine to begin. Someone started it for me. I was pushed out in the street, right in front of the traffic, and someone said "OK, now run!".
So that's what I did, and I did ok. I fell, got bruised, got lost, but I kept running. Now I'm ready to begin at my own pace, in my own direction. Ready to run because I want to, not because someone pushed me. And ready to not run, for that matter. To stop and "smell the flowers" as cliche as that is. To start in one direction and decide that's far enough and turn to a new one. That's the difference in running because you want to and running because you're being chased.
I've said all of that just to say this, I want to keep writing but I need to find a new path. I want to talk about life in general more and my life less. So while I truly have no plan for what happens next, I felt like I had to begin, if only by announcing my desire to change. This time instead of seeing where life leads me, I will take the leash of my life and pull it forward into this different direction.

"Nothing is predestined. The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings." ~Ralph Blum

"Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect."
~Alan Cohen