Tomorrow is Valentine's Day... I think I'll wrap myself up in a big red bow and shove myself into my mailbox. If I'm going to belong to anyone this year it is going to be me.
But who came up with this terrible idea anyway? I guess I should check into that before I talk it down, give me a minute...
According to Wikipedia Saint Valentine's Day was originally a day to honor martyred Christians. Really? So how did it get turned into a day of red hearts, balloons, candy, and a general bad feeling about ourselves? In fact: St. Valentine's head was actually preserved and kept at the abby of New Minster in Winchester to be honored. Am I missing the connection? Blood and Guts and Big Red Heart shaped boxes of chocolate?

Now I'm sure you are going to read this, and if you've read anything else I've written it will be easy to decide that I'm bitter about being single so I am completely dismissing Valentine's day as an evil holiday because the only card I will get is from my mother. Please follow my train of thought before you make your decision. Yes I will admit, if someone brought me roses or diamonds on February 14th year after year I would look forward to that day. As I would on March 14th or April 14th or May 14th. You get the point, right? But who decided that there should be just this one day where out loud and in public people should profess their undying love to you in a grandiose and expensive manner starting in about the 4th grade? And if it didn't happen to you then, you were crushed! They should rename it the "St. Self Esteem Crusher for all not so perfect little girls" day. Or how about, "I really liked you until I realized you couldn't buy me something cool now I'm gonna tell all the girls you're a loser" day. Or last but not least, "We were having fun, but I don't want to get you anything so I'm going to break up with you and then call you with regret in mid March" day. It just seems to me that if you love someone, you should show it when you feel it, not when everyone is watching to see how well you show it and how big or shiny it is.

And back to the history of it all. Apparently the Valentines were martyrs for Christianity, killed for their faith by the Roman pagan rulers. And in years to come Chaucer and Shakespeare used St. Valentine's day as a special day of love for their writing. Well at least I think that's what happened, but honestly I couldn't tell you what Chaucer was trying to say, the only reason I was able to get Valentine's out of it was because of the capital letter V. Who reads that gibberish? But I guess my lack of respect for English Literature isn't really the point here. The point is these guys were the precursors to the Hallmark family. They made it up. It means nothing. Like National Doctor's day, March 30th. What?? Do you send your doctor a gift? Flowers? How about a card that says "I'm glad my daughter's tonsillectomy was just enough to buy you that new Mercedes. When we were done paying the bill, we couldn't afford the ice cream we promised her".

I'm not saying I'm against holidays, but they should be real. And if they aren't they should be like National Fried Chicken day, something that almost anyone has the off chance of being able to enjoy. Not something that is bound to at one point in your life or another make you sit alone in a dark room with a gallon of ice cream wondering why you didn't get those flowers from that secret admirer that you know exists somewhere in commercial, flower candy, and jewelry ridden fantasy land!